i'm somewhere you're somewhere;

x

Soooooooooo, I know. It's been ages hasn't it? Wellllllll it has been weird ever since January arrived. Like there's a ticking timebomb somewhere. And as cliche as it sounds, I... am just living as much as I can in every single moment. Kinda sucks to know that I'll be leaving next friday.. I mean, it doesn't even seem like it's real! The ticket has been bought, and everything else (almost) arranged.. Feel as if I'm travelling into another dimension. But I think it'll kick in soon. But I kinda don't want soon to come.

Sigh. Don't wanna think about farewell or anything. I've not yet reached the uberly emo stage.. but you know, suddenly all my old friends are looking me up.. or I'm talking to people that I've had brief encounters in the past. Makes you think. Sometimes things really do happen for a reason. Sometimes, just sometimes it feels pre-destined. I'm not one to talk about destiny, sometimes I don't know what to believe in. 

But hey, doesn't mean I'm not happy where I am :) Just wish time would stop ... as of right now :)

One thing I really wish to bring over would be my dog. 

x L

leave all your love and your loving behind;

Hellllooooooooooooooooo have been so caught up with work lately but that's gonna change cos I'm gonna have so much free time on hand next week onwards.... boooooooo. And I've been so worried about gaining weight that I actually had a morning run a few days back and my body's still aching lolol.

1. My curly wurly hair after a long day of bunning it up.. kinda like it hee hee. Shall hairspray it the moment I let go off the bun and shall see how long it'll last..
2. My fugly alien ish looking dog
3. Messy boxes/wrapped up things in the background
4. My new house feels like home but home's everywhere with the family as cheesy as it sounds haha
5. I can go on in point form but I'm gonna make use of my free time to do some shopping!
6. Don't give up on prayers.. well just saying.
7. Oh did I mention falsies make your eyes look pretty and maybe ahlianish? But refer to pic 1.... so weird to see my eyes looking girly lolol






x L

i carry with me;

Today : Shifted into a place at Outram and there are so many pretty shophouses!! Can't stop oogling at them. Think I'll take a walk around the place soon and I'm hoping to find some ~hidden treasure~ hahaha or some cool chill hangout. Hmmm anyways i'm getting a little tired. I have been eating too much lately. I just came home from a buffet and I can't stop drinking the funny cream of celeraic soup ahahahah I don't even like celery but I like the cream of it. Sounds lame huh. Okay, pictures andddddd I'm out! I decided to wake up real early, grab a couple of bubble teas (surplise! ok not really surplise but I just wanna do something nice for people for once..) and chocolate fudgey thingy, get eyelashes(?!), pay up for some online thing(i hate paying.. so lazy..), get tix.. ahhhh so many things to do. A lot of running around and little errands here and there.. which I kinda like.

1. Old yellow dirty sofa is like the dirtier version of my awesome red sofa that my parents gave away... :(
2. Sis and I lazing around and being amused at Glozell~ and the awesome airconditioner in the living room
3. Torturing sashit... which isn't anything like that crush fetish UGGGGH SO PISSED JUST THINKING ABOUT IT
4. That flowery bathroom shower curtain thingy? It was covering the balcony. Mmmm
5. Today I realized how "private" the estates/houses my family has been living in. It was so weird to see people at the block below, gathering in groups, standing around talking.... feels like a hostel but no, it's the condo culture. It's just weird. It feels like my privacy has been invaded hahahaha





x L

typing in the dark;

Okay I'm just here to say... I FEEL SO EFFING FULL. And I'm gonna start doing really girly "therapeutic" things............... YES! Can't wait for morning to come. Goodbye 20 year old Hu Xu HA HA HA H *strokes Hu Xu* It gave me the much needed wisdom for the past 20 years of my life but... Hu Xu, you're too hairy!! hahahhha oh god, I'm mad. So anyway, my tummy's being really fickle minded about what it wants to be? To feel full or not to feel full? So I'm feeling empty and then really full so..... what kind of feeling is that? 

Anyway, shall spend time at work thinking of various ways to pamper self aka things to get. Oh, did I mention? I'm shifting to a new place this sunday. Yaaaaarrrgggghhhhhhh. I know how tiresome/annoying moving is but.... something new is always something fun. Right? Right. Or is this new. Hmm.

And it's really bad to type in the dark. Really bad for your eyes. Speaking of eyes, the lumpy in my eye is still not disappearing. Think I need to wingardium-leviosa it to somewhere else.... hahahhah whatthecrap am I talking about?!?! Okay, gotta wake up and say goodbye to Hu Xu!!!! Oh, and hairy eyebrows. Cos I've been growing them out to trim it to a thick model kinda eyebrows(no, not the overly exaggerated and thicken by eyebrow pencil). Too thin is.. eek! And too thick is.. unkempt? Okay it really depends. But erm, it's hard to describe the kind of eyebrows I want but I don't want thin eyebrows. Nooooot nice. Hahahaha why the hell am I telling people about this.. AND I want my hair to be red :( And I'm having a stupid impulse to do something about my hair but I don't want to kill it. Which reminds me, I should get some lame tong or a nice hairblower(?), along with my cool steaming iron machine(I like it!! I like it so much I can't stop steaming! HAHAHAHA)... Gotta work out a list. AND MAKEUP BWAHAHAHAHA.

I've been really meaning to edit photos and post them up etc. but time and memory space isn't my friend so... Boring words for now booooooooooooooooo.

.
.
.

K, too much unnecessary stuff,
x L

love is old, love is new;

Because - Across The Universe Soundtrack



x

Decided to re-watch the movie to get more hippie inspiration... ha ha ha okay not really but most of the songs there are pretty awesome. So it deserves to be re-watched over and over again. Totally wanna lie on the grass or in the fields! And sing like this...!! One day, one day!

x

I gotta head to bed soon so... A couple of pictures :) Oh by the way, SASHA'S RECOVERING. I'm hoping the meds will work even after she stops taking them(meds and jabs twice a day) :( Hope it isn't a temporary solution to it.. I'm playing nurse to her hee hee. And omg, she fell down twice today under my watch. I really think I shouldn't be over protective LOLOL. Ah well. Okay whatever, shall not think about it yikes!!

 

From top to bottom : Kpop Night which was *SCREAMS!!!!!*, 3 Big Bang fangirls and yes I use my lightstick as a headband hee hee, crazy crazy fans all around us so we're pretty mild already, BIG BANG!!!, my little Sashit as of now with her little blue bandage which allows me to stick needles in heh so cute!!!, random photo of me yes but I was testing out my aqua eyeliner and it amazingly did not smudge nor fade throughout the course of the day... so gonna get a couple more of it, and to end off.. MY CUTIE SASHA SO CUTE *pinches her like mad*

Shall dream of an awesome stash of makeup to come......

x L

heartbreak warfare;

I haven't been in a good mood to blog lately cos my little baby has been recently been diagnosed with her spinal problem... and it makes me so sad looking at her condition worsen day by day. She's been shaking a hell lot, and today, she stumbles and fumbles and falls when trying to walk. Most of time, she just skates across the floor. I don't know how to feel about it, but I'm trying not to think about anything else... for example like death, putting her down, it being chronic etc. And I find it insensitive if anyone talks to me about anything negative like that. There's a difference between being insensitive and practical. And okay, I suddenly feel really annoyed by it. 

I can face up to "reality" and I know that dogs will die sooner or later, and that illnesses comes with age and I try to make peace with death all the time. I try to make peace with a lot of shit in this world, and the shit people give to you. But me not talking or thinking about it, doesn't mean I do not make peace with it nor understand it. I am not naive, I do not foolishly believe in forever, but neither do I want to dwell on the negativity when all that I have right now is okay for me to actually be happy. I am not living in "Ignorance is bliss", but I'm trying to work on "Be contented and happy with what you have." I have my dog, she's alive despite her deteriorating condition, why cry about her death which will come knocking sooner or later? I have what I have, and I'm gonna make it work for now.

I am happy for now that my dog can still have a healthy appetite. I am happy that she can somewhat still have the determination to move. I am happy that she can still be silly and still want our hugs and kisses and petting. I am happy that she is still curious about her surroundings and whatever we do. I am happy that she still reacts to things I say. I am happy that she still can bark. But most of all, I am happy that she still is alive and fighting.

But I can be unhappy for a hell lot of others things. I can be unhappy that her condition is getting from bad to worse. I can be unhappy that her condition could indirectly be caused by us. I can be unhappy that such a thing could even happen. I could be unhappy even with the fact that I got a dog when I wasn't even prepared to have one in the beginning.

But fuck it. Really. If you're one who likes to worry and think, oh my god, she may have to be put down, she may be reduced to paralysis, she may not be able to move.... then please, don't talk to me. I don't need your negativity or insensitivity. It's like going to someone who is a potential candidate for death and asking them if they're really gonna die. 

I know I sound pissed or whatever, but I am just focussing on what I have right now and I am happy for whatever that I have for now. I am hoping and praying that my little doggy woggy would be able to walk properly in months to come, and that the painkillers would take away most of the pain. 

I cuddle her a lot and tell her, "I know this is frustrating and you want to do something about it, but you can't show your pain or tell us how you feel exactly, but just rest okay? Just sleep and don't give up." And I sing her Sheldon's lullaby and I talk to her whenever I can. I am of course human, as much as I am able to look and feel from a third person's point of view. I want to cry, I want to yell, I want to not see the pain that she's going through. But I take it like a man, and I want to be there for whatever I can even if it's bad or good. Like my dad says, that's the thing that comes with pets. You gotta take it as it comes and take it for whatever it is. 

So this is a lesson for you kids. Don't take what you have for granted and be happy with what you have for now. This is life, and things happen for a reason. It's a quiet way of teaching you the harsh reality, it's a way for you to learn that certain things are out of our control no matter how much of "maybes" and "ifs" we can think up of. You have a whole lot of reason to be angry and hateful, but you have a hell lot more to be happy and hopeful. So, be hopeful and be thankful for what you have. Count your blessings while you can :)

x L

soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur;

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur

Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr"

(awwwwww...... Sheldon Cooper's lullaby)

x

My little baby is getting lots of rest and twice the attention she normally gets :3



x

1. I AM SLEEPY.. like stoned out sleepy

2. I woke up early this morning and rushed out to the clinic which thankfully was 4 stops away and I got a free consultation! high five me!! weeeeee

3. I went to get wrapping paper to wrap clothes that I'm selling, and I met the doctors-in-training interning at the clinic and omfg, I wanted so so badly to talk to them and ask them all about it... BUT I WALKED AWAY. WHUUUUUT.

4. I feel like I have to talk to the whole world and ask them about their lives etc. It's as if there's so much more to people out there you know? I just want to talk to them, observe them, learn about them... Maybe my "journalistic" instinct is kicking in.. But I feel horribly itchy/sore(is this 'xin yang yang') if I don't act on my impulse to talk to people!!

5. so :( not talking to those doctors... or future doctors.. I'm gonna log into NUS website and I'm gonna find out their curriculum ha ha ha ha. Just you know, for future sake references (stalking in progress?! i kid i kid. Just wanna know the whole process of studying medicine and prepping to be an actual doctor etc. Respect them a lot *Salutes*)

6. Nevertheless.. I felt really happy sipping on my 2 bucks hugeass cup of milo and wrapping something up to sell! MONEY CHING CHING COME IN COME IN.

7. Felt so damn girly wrapping shiz up.. I really suck at handiwork. Can't even cut straight with a scissors *shifty eyes* but I'm learning I'm learning! Will be an awesome all-rounder soon hee hee. (sidenote, I like doing housechores.. my.. girly.. side?!)

8. Speaking of money.. I feel so sick of shopping now. I think this is a sign that I should really stop shopping. *looks at pile of new clothes*

9. And speaking of shopping... GUESS WHO SHOPPED WITH HER MOMMA TODAY!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee :3

10. I scored a pair of grey vintage-ish shorts for $15 bucks!! Doesn't sound a lot but.. 15 bucks!! I usually get that deal online. I'm glad I finally bought something in a physical store (other than the store I work at.. which, I have bought a couple of stuff from already. Guilty as charged. BUT it's 30% discount so it's pretty awesome so it's not counted)

11. I NEED TO ADD THIS. I FOUND A FELLOW MAKEUP JUNKIE. Okay I'm not exactly considered a makeup junkie.. more like a closet makeup junkie? no, a soon-to-be...? a... wannabe? Whatever it is, YAY!



.
.
.

I am gonna stop blabbing blah blah blah. I'm so tired! Have so much to think about but I love brainless work. More brainless work tomorrow yayszxszsz! HIGH FIVE Y'ALL! Spread the love! OH, I got my new passport!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the new passport feels different with that plastic thingy!


Finally, goodnight
x L

i look so good without you;

Jessie James - I Look So Good

This song got me bobbing my head up and down all the time. "I LOOK SO GOOD I LOOK SO GOOD WITHOUT YOU, I LOOK SO GOOD I LOOK SO GOOD WITHOUT YOU" *diva headshake* LIKE, YEAH HEAR THIS SUCKA, I LOOK SO GOOD WITHOUT YOU, I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER BYEEEEEEEEEEE (ok morning madness)

x

x

Today, I brought my little doggy to the vet because of her recent weird wobbling hind legs and her tendency to fall over alot.. And I'm glad I insisted on bringing her to the vet because the vet managed to diagnosed her with some spinal cord thing. Cut the long story short, the cushion between the vertebrae of her spinal cord is pressing on a nerve, causing her hind legs to be wobbly and unsteady. So we're hoping the conservative method of treatment works on her cos it does for 70% of dogs who have been diagnosed with the same condition..

Not to mention, it felt like Grey's Anatomy when the vet was talking to me, cos he was throwing out all these scientific terms and the only words flashing in my head was, "GREY'S ANATOMY! GREY'S ANATOMY!" and I was all like, whoa absorb his smartness absorb it enjoy the moment, hahahahaha mad. He was doing it exactly like how they do in GA, throwing out all the medical blahblahblah and the explaining it in layman terms.. heh so smart.

Er back to my dog.. Yeah, my dad has been massaging her back lovingly and she just got a jab today which helped reduce the pain!! Poor thing, I just want to hug her to sleep sighhhhhh.

Today is dog woe day. Pray for my little puppy!!! :3





x L

I GO TO SLEEP

"When morning comes again
I have the loneliness you left me
Each day drags by
Until finally my time descends on me"

If you haven't heard about Sia, PLEASE. CHECK. HER. OUT. She's amazing.. you probably might not understand the words she mumbles while she sings but.. still amazing! Every time this song plays, I ask myself, How are we able to create music that touches within? Music that lifts you spiritually or leads your heart out for a dance? I probably wouldn't have an answer but music.. Man, it's too much to put it into words. How does anyone put music into words?



x

I've been getting myself distracted by getting out of the house a lot more now.. Trying to get a job, trying to fill my head with other thoughts. That said, I am going to buy a couple of books(A History of Love, Everything is Illuminated, Perks of a Wallflower etc.)

I have way too many stories to share with people, but I don't know where to start. In fact , right now, I get baffled by questions like, "Are you okay?" or "What happened...?" I am caught in between Too Much To Say and What Do I Say. So I end up shaking my head, shrugging my shoulders.. Or do something else really unlike me. I don't avoid questions, unless it's a lie.. But then I ask myself, is this a lie?

Then again, I have cleared my thoughts a little and I have prepared a few words here and there. Something along the lines of "Thank you, I miss you". It sounded a lot cooler in my head and overly cheesy even by typing this but would you rather be served with the raw honesty or a well thought out lie?

I am wearing the cloak of The Bigger Man, and yet I still can't bring myself to tell anyone lies. Actually, when you think about it, you can tell lies and go to a corner and sit and cry, or you could be honest.. which probably mean you're putting your heart out there again. So I'm caught in between Lies and Honesty. Do I say I'm okay just to satisfy a certain expectation or do I say I am not and then have expectations?

I'll figure out that part someday when my heart's not so bruised.



.
.
.

Pictures with my phattaye hee hee

sasha's quiet tears of sorrow

Drink lots of water people!

xoxo L