the paper kites;

That's the thing about discovering somebody else and yourself.. You start getting attached emotionally. And it scares you. But you do it anyway because you're a sadist... or rather.. it's normalised. That said, it was a really good talk dear (new) friend. I know that somehow I needed a heart-to-heart talk, that talking could bring me to some kind of an ease. And I'm left feeling closer to something, maybe attained a new level of comfort or achieving what I've always wanted for so long but did not bothered to. Or maybe I found out that I was right that there could always be something more... But along with that, it's shades of grey that probably scares us all. I don't know what I'm driving at.. but I know that it's a little sad that I don't have a "person" that Cristina and Meredith has. I'll get it soon.

x L

i don't why know you say goodbye and i say hello;

I've been waking up in "shock" for the past few days because I've been.. sort of.. oversleeping? Nights are spent in my floormates' rooms and we just end up eating meegee(aka mee goreng) and talking and talking and doing stupid shit like trying to shuffle or sing or girly talk!!! I KNOW, MY MIND CAN'T SETTLE DOWN. Not at all. Not with the kind of things that goes on in school.. 

School is.. pretty mind blowing. The kind of stuff you read and talk about is.. oh my god, that's never gonna happen in Singapore. So.. uh, Okay I don't really know what to say. My eyes have been blurry the past few days and I haven't even been on my laptop and shit man. I think it must be the tons of readings I have to do. That said, I WASTED FRIDAY AWAY BECAUSE IT'S MY FREE DAY AND I SPENT IT WALKING AROUND SCHOOL AND DOING STUPID ADMIN SHIT. 

Okay, I wanted to do a proper blog post but meeeehhhh, I think it's never gonna happen. Well whatever it is, I should start bringing a camera around to take photos of EVERYTHING AND EVERYWHERE :)

CATCH YA LATA ALLIGATA

x L

run run run from the devil in disguise;

TONIGHT. I AM TIRED OF TRYING TO BE THERE FOR PEOPLE. I AM TIRED OF FEELING RESENTMENT, FEELING ALONE, FEELING UNLOVED. OK I LOST A BESTFRIEND AND I HAVE TO SAY I AM SAD THAT YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO TALK TO ME AND I HATE YOU FOR THAT. I HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE? I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS ALONE FROM DAY 1 AND YOU HAVENT EVEN BOTHERED TO SAY A LITTLE HI OR ACT INDIFFERENT. THANKS FRIEND. YOU REALLY WERE THE BEST. BESTFRIEND RIGHT. HAHAHAHAH OK I THINK THAT WAS FUNNY. AND AND I HAVE SO MUCH RESENTMENT SUDDENLY LOLOLOL SEE NOW IM TURNING MAD. IM MAD AND FUMING MAD. IM 2 FACES OF MAD. IM LAUGHING CRYING ANGRY MAD.

AND PEOPLE ARE THE BEST. IS THIS WHY PEOPLE WANT TO RUN AWAY? I HATE Y'ALL  LOLOLOL





x L

and I wouldn't mind, if together we died alone;

Tonight. The weather was lovely to sit out. Maybe a cigarette would be good for some, a hot cuppa for others.. but a walk was all I needed. All I could afford. I saw a couple reading in their balcony - to each his own. A man running down the slope. I took a deep breath and held it when he ran past me. Blink twice. Gone. Empty spaces on the road didn't stop me from avoiding them. But what was supposed to be there did. So, the white elephant won again. My eyes float up to the window I walk past and gaze upon every night. Every night, the same story plays in my head. Every night, I ponder about the possibility. Possibilities..... I walk on. I hum a little, skip a little. And I just before I reach my door, I always wished that I could walk more. Walk into the night. Sit out in the park. Alone. Think.

And when the thought of thinking comes into my head.. I start to feel. Feel the anguish. Feel the pain. Feelings I have avoided for months now comes rushing back to me. No, it isn't about you. No, not you. It's just.. all these funny little things that seem to work like little paperclips to magnets. It comes in pieces but ends up in a mess. Just like us and the tangles we are always caught in. Inevitable.

Then I thought about how anyone hates to be told how they're acting. No, scratch that. We all hate to be seen through. We hate to be transparent. We hate to be read. We hate to be told in true honesty of what we really are.

And I turned the tables upon myself. Right now, I blame time. I blame time for change. We think we are all special to so many others. We think we're permanent fixtures in anyone else's life. But we forget, we are  furniture. We get rearranged. We'd like to think we're bricks and concrete. But when time introduces the concept of change, the concept of revolution, the concept of.. different. We're then arranged. We become the "old comfy sofa". You're always there, waiting to provide whatever you can when you can. You aren't number 1 anymore. And that's how people can make you feel.

Not saying that change isn't meant to be embraced but I'm hating it now. It's like the Queen Bee has been dethroned. Like whatever you used to have isn't yours anymore. And someone else is the old you to someone.

Remember the people who said "I'll be there." So where are you? Sometimes I do wonder that. Or do they mean they'll "be there" when something really bad happens? When a farewell is on it's way, or a shocking tragedy comes knocking on their door? It is plain to see why people do desperate things when they want attention. Now you know that there's a little truth in TV shows.

I think of your voices and it makes me cringe. All your words and thoughts and feelings. It feels like I have created Frankenstein and hated it. I hate it. I hate what I have given so much to end up in nothing. I think this is.. selfish? Is this a selfish act? Do you resent the people you should love? I feel twisted.

And then I think of hope. Hope that sugar-coats the words out of their mouths. Hope that is so ready to devour you. I now hate the hope that people are meant to give me. Why did you take so much from me just to see it die? Why walk away and say sorry when sorry is just another form of hope for closure? Why can't you be a man and shake my shoulders and look in my eyes and be honest? Why promise  hope when hope was never yours?

So you know, if you can't live up to it. Then don't bother in the first place. Finish what you started.

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So I'm tired. I think I had to kill the tiny ones in me just to blah all these out. Writing therapy. Ah. Onto good soothing music... and sleep... and retail therapy,

x L

not ready to make nice;

Yeah.. So well, I think there's a lot swimming in my head but I just lose it every 5 minutes you know? It's like, "Oh yay, I'm shifting to somewhere awesomely near town"... then 5 minutes later I'm like, ".... Eh, what was I happy about?"

And... whoever said that you don't move away from people when you move on, is just... I don't know. Don't know what's a good word but that ain't true. People do actually kinda move away. It's evident in silences, in waiting in between texts, in waiting, even in pauses in between words. So well, don't know much about how weeks of silence can work out... but there's space? To breathe? Is.. space what we all really wanted in the first place? Then why bother in the first place?

Okay, I don't know where I'm going with this but I know I'm focussed on things I need to focus on. Which is pretty good. Awesome? I need to go back to where my head was 10 minutes ago. I really had something I felt I could untangle or figure out in my head. COME BACK TO ME.

Have I posted the following video? I don't know! But lately, I've been a lot more unforgiving, a lot more forthcoming, a lot more.. raw and unedited. I say things when I want to, talk to myself when I want to, hell, I feel like I can kick ass anytime.. So feisty. Maybe even empowered.

But you know, I think I'm still nice. Still politically correct. Still approachable.... Buuuut, not so much if you think I'm disposable in your life. Or that my feelings towards you wouldn't change if yours does. Or that you'd have a hold on me. Don't for a second think you can get away with guilt-tripping me for feeling humane. Aight aight, nothing personal is going wrong/ no hatred or whatever, just....

Don't ever think I'm gonna wait here for you.... forever.

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x L

you know it don't stop, hell yeah;

I love the 50mm on this Canon 50D.. The focus is.. whoa. So awesome. More awesome photos next post :) We need comparison photos of us 3 years back and right now. Haha! I think I would've been the one who has changed the most.. physically? ;)

Thinking back, haven't you always wondered how you became the person you are today? I mean, who gave me thoughts like "I like makeup and clothes" or "I shouldn't be talking like this to her" etc.? Do people have mental benchmarks in their head to help them determine what became the turning point in their lives? I can't think of really significant events that has changed my life drastically... but I guess it was more of a gradual change. Hmmm. See what time does to your memory. All you're left is how you're feeling. Right? Right? Wished I had that silver thing that Dumbledore has.. Whassat called again?! Okay, I can't remember but it would be awesome to be able to keep memories stored. And to be able to go into them and revisit the whole memory.. Ah. For future references?

Anyways.. SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MY DOG. *crosses fingers* I hope the visit to the vet does her good later! I have this fear of finding her dead when I wake up in the morning, so I'm kinda trying to stay up to keep an eye on her :( overreaction right? I think it's the heat, the heat is a crazy bitch. LOOK WORLD, LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO EARTH. NOW WE GOTTA SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR EVIL SHIT AND OUR PETS GOTTA BE THE FIRST ONES TO DIE. AND IT IS A WARNING TO US. WE'RE GONNA BE EXTINCT AND EXIST AS ROBOTS.

hahahahahhaahaha night rant. I have been so talkative lately!! So much so I had to distract myself to keep myself from yakking hee hee. And yes, I do talk to the neighbourhood cats. I suspect they have a secret society and they have weird staring competitions at night in the middle of the road. They aren't very friendly though, since they aren't receptive to me. But at least I try..? And the neighbourhood dogs know me? Yeah, we in da hood! *swaggers*

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I JUST FEEL LIKE SINGING : "I LOOK SO GOOD WITHOUT YOU, GOT ME A NEW HAIRDO ,  LOOKING FRESH AND BRAND NEW ,  SINCE YOU SAID THAT WE'RE THROUGH" 

Night!

x L

hold on love;

Hold On Love - Jess Delgado


(amazing amazing voice, not to mention, it's hard to find lovely originals from youtube stars :))





x

Waddup y'all! I think I'm slowly getting bored of my freedom.. and I have options on hand for part-time jobs and when it sank in, I was panicking on the bus thinking about the loss of my freedom and slavery on my part.. omfg. Scary isn't it? I have no idea why the hell people are so psyched to start working.. Not looking forward to the office clothes part, to the boring parts, to the starting from the bottom and having to slog(not sleep) your way up the ladder... *shakes head* I'd rather be in school all the way till I'm old....... heh *sneaky glances*

Kids, today I wanted to tell of a story about trust. But since my brain is failing me, I will just cut straight to the point. DO NOT EASILY TRUST PEOPLE. No matter how many months, days, weeks, hours you had with them.. No matter how comfortable they can make you feel.. No matter the amount of assurance they give.. Do not, do not trust easily. Take everything with a pinch of salt. Okay, you know what, I don't care anymore. Okay, I sound really fickle minded but you're never gonna understand this paragraph cos you think I hate you and whatever you did but just be careful of who you talk to..... not everyone can be trusted. There are reasons why some people are stuck in certain situations especially regarding trust. So... yeah okay there you go..

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PICTURES ANYWAY!

Yes, I dyed my hair red!!!! Kinda happy it turned out pretty good.. Except the bottom's brownish but it just looks like a gradient from the red at the top to brown at the bottom. HAHA

So there you go, my silly friends who finally POP-ed and I was forced to be cameraman for the day.. Yes, smelly smelly boys, totally unnecessary for them to do it at the floating platform, hot hot angry sun, wasting money on cabbing down early in the morning, 4 hours of sleep.... But I guess it's all in the spirit of support for the smelly green boys. So er, I can't say I feel proud but glad y'all are surviving!!! HAHAHA, let's go out more okay weekend buddies! :) Oh, and there was a catchy NS song... Something about standing up and then ending off each verse with a -YA! hahahaha I think I was the only freak who liked it, but we were bobbing along to it so at least it's catchy and cheesy?

Good food, good company.. My good ol' girlfriends who are turning into my foodbuddies!! We're turning into foodies! heh heh but I love foood *humps food* I kid, I kid. But one thing I love about them, is our endless talks.. especially in the car :)

Know this is a little late, but this was Farewell Carmelle(IT RHYMES).. Silly girl is now at Canberra studying and we've been wsapping alot more than we did when she was in SG(WEIRD!!) and yeah, I MISS YOU. Stop shopping and get a blog to update us daily okay!! :) Can't wait to see you in Dec! :3

Skyped with JANIE MY BABY just now and OMFGGGG LOVE HER *does dog panting* It just doesn't feel as if she's anywhere else in the world you know?!!? UK's treating her well! She has a racist receptionist hahahah which is really :\ ugh. Why are people so narrow minded... Sucks. I foresee myself being all hippie and doing protests.. I KID. But anyway, she's doing awesome over there which is good for now! Glad we even squeezed in a bit of gossip HAHAHA :3

And this is me... going to bed! I found this entry pointless but that's just me.






Tata,
x L

wanna feel your fire burning right from where i stand;

Today marks the day that my dearest Janie leaves for UK... a solid 5 to 6 years of being apart from her :( A hurried and frantic farewell, with lots of quick snaps and a sudden outburst into tears on her part.. It was all too quick to indulge in the moment and too quick to feel sad. But it was heart-wrenching watching her steal secret kisses with her boyfriend, it was heart-wrenching to look at us with her sad sad doe-like eyes.. I'll miss your nonsense baby I do, my parents do too :)

Hope my 2-hours-worth-of-writing-and-sleeping-with-cramps-in-the-hand letters touched you hee hee. Oh god, I can go on and on and on. But we really had something special, yes we did.  It was all too special to be placed in words or hugs or humps or laughter or tears. So here I am, sitting and typing all these.. and the tears say hello to you hee hee. Just listening to our karaoke songs that we try so hard to harmonize ALL THE TIME just spreads a smile on my face you know? hahahaha we don't need years to be awesome together, WE JUST NEED TO BE TOGETHER HAHAHAHA. Okay, whatever but it's really different, it's different and I can't place a finger on it. Something along the lines of, "Just a small town girl, living in her lonely world.... Just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit" ha! Make your absence worth it okay, work your butt off and then come home to mama ha ha ha ha.*does your favourite dog action/panting* :3

x

Today....

Today seemed like a discovery of the inner us.... in us. Full of heart to heart talks and learning new things about people...

I realized that I know I am okay when I'm fit to hold proper conversations with people that I care about. It really is obvious to me that I can actually evaluate myself using such a 'gauge' hahaha. Okay, but these are tough times especially for all the people around me. Like literally... everyone. And I'm gonna give them what I only have to give - Me :)

So I'm gonna fly.. kidding, I just can't stay here and type anymore. I need to be there for people. CATCH YA SOONZSZXSZA,

x L

remember the days?

x

Meeting up with ze old friends from 3 years back when we were clueless teenagers... And look where we are now! Everyone with their idea of who they want to be right now. So much has changed in between. It can be seen on our faces, and in the way we move.. but mostly, our hearts has become so much more rugged and stained and torn in so many more ways. But what I like about us, is how we are able to somehow come together (even if it's the last) and spend an afternoon just playing poker, monopoly deal, mahjong, oh and the little hamsters! :)

Doesn't feel any different from the months we used to spend together,  the constant vulgarities, the non-stop laughter at Abel and his nonsense, Jane and her perkiness etc. but ah well, it does spell an end of some sort. But I'm still happy we came together for a reason.. for any reason at all. So, cheers to our next! :3 

ps. janie and I accidentally microwaved pizza with the aluminium foil.. haha there were sparks and boy, was it the dumbest and funniest thing..

Till then my friends,

x L

CAN'T NOBODY HOLD US DOWN;

2ne1! *squeals* I can't say I'm excited or fascinated by the auto-tune that they have been over-using in the songs, but it grows on you slowly.... mmmm

x

Today was sitting on my toilet bowl.. I HAD A CALLING. hahahaha okay it might sound ridiculous, but then I texted my good flen immediately and she said, "OMG I THOUGHT OF IT TOO" ha ha ha ha it was mad. It was definitely an unexpected thought and it was silly just even flirting with the thought but.... ah, how nice would it be. So anyway, I am pretty psyched about it and I'm going to research like hell in the libraries.. Geekfest coming right up!

That's all I had to share for today. Mmm.

Sidenote....

:3 I don't know how we're able to come up with the most nonsensical things on earth and just can't stop laughing.. It sounds like a cliche, but it's something special :)

 If you want to read her, click here!

Ciao outside mother.................. nah,

x L

SUCH GREAT HEIGHTS

What a lovely cover of this song.. She sounds like norah jones doesnt she?

I will sound like a freak but... can they just get together already?! haha!

Wished I had a voice like hers mmmm

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Life, ah life. What's new with my life?

Let's see, I'm just being a lot more independent right now. Taking walks alone, spending time alone. And no, I don't hog my phone the whole time I'm doing that. Which I think is pretty awesome and I want to live without my gadgets for a couple of days.. but errr, gotta plan it out soon ha! Just think - no Ipod, no Iphone, no shitty second number, no MACBOOK(no online shopping :o), no TV(okay, I don't watch TV but it's been on a lot more now than ever eversince I shifted into the new temporary place)..

Sometimes I get weird urges to just chuck everything aside and just sit and stone by the beach. Or just me, pen and paper and lots of wind and sky.

We're all becoming too greatly independent on connectivity and social feeds and all.. which isn't a bad thing, I mean, hey I am somewhat an Iphone whore (WOOPS) but we need to embrace the basics, embrace the simplicity and learn to love ourselves than loving what we think makes us.

Okay, nuff said. No preaching there ;) Sidenote, I think I'll never ever do a proper post on anything hahahaha. I find it pointless to grab photos off FB since everything's there and I'm guessing only my circle of friends read this? Why do people blog again? To read what's up with each others' lives right.. okay, gonna keep that in mind. Keep. That. In. Mind. *ohmmmmsssss*

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Let's see.

> I have just shifted into this new place and it's like a half an hour away from town which is THUMBS UP. Travelling used to be a bitch but now it's awesome (y) No more lifts, no more having to walk out to the carpark for the car etc. This place isn't awesome but there's tons of food, tons of opportunities to go out for supper with people who lives near me and drives (WOOOOO), more privacy.. I'll post up pictures soon! :)

> I've been taking driving lessons. VROOOOOM. And I kinda got the half-clutch thing today. I CAN DO IT. I WILL KICK ASS. Y'ALL BETTER BE READY FOR THIS

> Friends and lame adventures! I'm quite amazed at self for being able to bum around for like 4 months and I'm still be awesome at it. It's like, life never runs out of things to chuck at you!

Our stayovers, "roundings", swimming sessions, surprises, heart-to-heart talks etc.

*hearts*

Our heavy heart-to-heart talks, meeting up almost everyday, throwing bonuses points here and there, our theories and stereotyping, our different mindsets etc. I miss you already!
School's robbing me of youuuuuuuuuuuu :(

Our SURPLISE for PX for our post-PX birthday celebration!
Tristan(PX's bf) was so nice and accommodating.. "He's a keeper!" ;)
And he tolerates our nonsense.. like "LAO GU", "WHATS YOUS WANTS AHS" etc. hahahaha you girls are the good for being bimbotic and nonsensical
Man, I should totally take out our old photos and do a comparison LOL.. okay not.

Did I mention.. I WENT TO SINGFEST?
hahaha okay that not big of a deal but..
KATY. PERRY. HOT. GORGEOUS. WHOA.
And I must say, Tokio Hotel further confirmed my dislike for them.
But I felt the band's dedication/faith etc.
Inspiring because even if the thousands of people hate them,
they still love what they're doing and that's what really matters at the end of the day :)
(although I laughed a little too much than I should at their lyrics..
"Humans connect to humans~" ...YIKES, TH fans don't kill me eek!)

Had this dinner thing at Shangri-La..
The food was awesome and the event was funny in general hahahahah
We got bored halfway through..okay who am I kidding,
we were bored throughout the whole damn thing so
it was a good excuse to camwhore and stuff!

And we did a comparison with our old photos..
YOUNG VS OLD ME.

MY LITTLE COUSIN WAS SO.DAMN.CUTE.
(not that she isn't cute now but man, when she was a kid.. MAN.)

Frigging cute *strangles her*





Actually....

Hahahahaha! I'm queen of abusing people/dogs/things I love

Nope my sister and I do not look alike but our laughter's the same..
AWWWW *wobbles her fats*


Speaking of sister..

My Sashit says hi!!!! :) AWWWW
Watching her fall asleep is one of the cutest things ever



> YESTERDAY. We headed to Keppel Bay for breakfast at 5pm woooooooo! I love breakfast
(Pardon my lousy placement of pictures because it's all messed up and I am dying to make payment for my online shopping and I want to sleep and wait for tomorrow to happen HAHA!)

Canon compact cameras ARE THE BEST

See, me making out with my own camera

Awesome view, food, company, magic hour, sky :)
Thanks to Grace and Maur for the pictures!!
 I wanna go back to chill and yes, I will lug my DSLR out..
Breakfast breakfast.. I love breakfast! :3



My friends now know to never ask me to take pictures...
Cos I'll only edit and post it up like 3 months later.
RIGHT ON BITCHES (y)


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My hands are freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing!
Weekends are here! HAPZ HAPZ HAPZ! :)