(a) a little reminder to us all that we can always be better, no matter the time nor place
(b) i'm sleeping in a stranger's bed
x
Hello. I've tweaked my layout a little here and there. Just needed a little change. Needed a clean space and a renewal of faith that I'd once again start noting down thoughts. Yes, I have been spending a lot of time alone - no, I'm not spiraling into a phase of self-pity or isolation filled with negativity.. but rather, I had time to think about my life and how I can be better (a).
So.. I'll start with this neglected space. I realized I needed to get back into the habit of writing, so here I am. I have been going through blog after blog, seeking out blogs with entries that just basically discusses stuff and maaaaan, do we need a lot more of it! So if I want to change something, I gotta be the change. I gotta get my ass(not figuratively) up and start writing soooooo, here's to hoping x twists fingers x
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Things have been slowly turning itself around.. Hell, I feel a little different everyday. Don't you? We scurry from point to point, from place to place, from thoughts of "a little more, just a little more" to "this, this or this?" to "i need to be home, where's home?".
I have been at home a lot more than I would want to. A week back, I was desperately trying to get out of this temporary hell-hole. It sometimes seemed like it was a disguise of a jail cell or some sort.. but things happened, words exchanged and well, you could say it started with guilt and then it became responsibility.
And that is what I have been slowly learning about. Responsibility. Isn't responsibility such a chore even to pronounce it? 6 syllables yet the burden of it weighs is a multitude more. I have never looked upon responsibility as something dreadful, rather, it was a matter of "how hard am I going to push myself to commit"? And then most of the times, I back off. If it was unnecessary, why take it on? If it was obligatory/unavoidable, I'll do my best.... minimally. Which most of the time(lucky me) seem to be a lot. My point is - I have always been avoiding it as best as I can. Maybe it isn't a matter of avoidance, but rather of being initiative.
(this is the part where I can tell you, I go back and forth a lot. circles and circles and circles)
But these days, circumstances have changed.. What with my dad having a minor op on his hand, living in a new environment, my mother having to work late recently, my brother and sister busy with their lives... and guess who is the new homemaker? Who else right? I have been doing chores like walking the dog immediately after waking, washing things, cleaning things, throwing things, buying things, killing things... And worse of all, a life-altering decision good enough to throw me off-balance.
So this is me, trying to keep up with life, trying to clean up after people, trying to do the best and think for the best of people. And in a way, it has made me a better person? I no longer shrug it off, or try to get out of things, but I take it on and if may seem like a hassle, well then I just have to suck it up and make the best out of it! I am crossing my fingers that this pocketful of positivity will be able to last me throughout my existence................. (please, fairies, please?)
I'm glad I'm over the "oh-my-god-must-I-really" phase to "make-it-work!make-it-work!".. I am a lot more comfortable being on my own, exploring places on foot and all that. Guess what makes independence scary isn't the thought of being alone, but rather, not knowing or being familiar with the things around you when you're alone.
Heck, I think even people who are mostly on their own gets scared too.. We just gotta be more confident yes? and terribly thick-skinned. Keeping that in mind, keeping that in mind.
x
I have been reading Pride and Prejudice. Still in the early parts of the book but it is definitely a step up from the terrible books I recklessly decided to take faith in... Atrocious English, feeble attempt at trying to portray a situation or certain emotions.. or just a bad plot and attempting to be Twilight-worthy(but we all know the value of Twilight, don't we?)
Tweedle-doo people. I'm searching for good reads, do introduce a long list of good books! :)
x L
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