i'm a new soul in a new year;

(Yes it's korean but the general feel of the song is there okay! Click :))




x

So...... I just had an overwhelming feeling of.. Hmm. I feel at peace. At peace with the coming of the end of the year(yay!), at peace with where I am right now, at peace with a hell lot of things that I could be angry and sad about. 

You know fengshui and all that stuff? I was living temporarily at a place that was gonna be torn down and the fengshui was horrible(at least it felt like it). Lots of things happened, my dad had a bad fall the moment we shifted in and things were looking bleak from then on, and there was basically so much angst and negative really negative forces. I was definitely at the wrong place and wrong time.. Man that place was suffocating just thinking about it. I don't know if I could put the blame on it but maybe the transition of things in my life and the bad stuff that was happening in mine/everybody's life felt a little like the breath of hell. Or to be near a Demantor. Or maybe a little of the Dementor's kiss. 

Whatever it is, I'm glad I got out of there and the fact that I got a lot out on my own... but where I am staying at right now feels pretty awesome. Fresh air on the 15th floor, so near town, lots of food all around, this place feels homely. Not to mention, a lot of things are looking up :) Glad the worse part of my year was over but it sucked that it had to be near the end of the year... but I never really felt like 2010 was my year anyway.

Mmmm. I guess this year I allowed myself to let loose a little, let my heart roam a lot more than I would've allowed it to, lost my senses every now and then, lost sight of the goals I wanted to achieve, lost myself every now and then trying to find a way.. to somewhere, dealt with issues and people that hit home all the time, learnt a lot about people, damn I went too deep into my head and heart and got lost at every turn and corner, got to live out stories that didn't used to be mine, dealt with a sick Sasha  and lost two of the dogs that I grew up with but they led a long life so doggy heaven should be a pretty place for them, had a few "firsts" but WHERE IS MY MAN hahahahahahahah kidding, gave chances to people and opportunities that I would've never thought of but screw being uptight sometimes, got sucked into the whole beauty~ makeup~ scam but it's okay I want to indulge in it hee hee, talking about superficiality my face got a lot better!!!!!!! not taking it for granted though so I've been following certain regimes religiously, did I mention I picked up the guitar and got one!?!?!? sounds like an impulse buy but I still suck at it.... but I'm visioning that some cute guitarist will pick me up by volunteering free lessons HAHAHAHA k its just a fantasy, dealing with a lot more issues of the heart no matter who it is, being immature and childish and saying stupid things and doing stupid things, ohmygod there's so much more and I'm slowly losing it.... but of course... still learning a hell lot and I'm sure I'm gonna kick ass in life one day.

After a good talk with my sister about life/people/supernatural experiences, I feel that I have a lot to be thankful for. My life.. has been cushy so far and a lot of people who are living waaaay cushier lives really should feel so much more thankful but ok that's them, not me. So 2011 is a new adventure as cliche and lame as it sounds but I'M A NEW SOUL I CAME TO THIS STRANGE WORLD~~ And yeah! Focus on the positivity. 

I sometimes do wish I could've said or done things a lot better, sometimes I wish I could take sweet revenge *flicks hair*, but all in all, tonight feels as if it's time to forgive and to be fragile with people and to bury everything and just start it all on a new clean slate. It's gonna hurt from time to time, but it's so much better when you're free from all the unnecessary burden/hatred when moving on's the best. I do feel sad for the friends lost and for the friends I have to begrudgingly let go off, and it's hard to be at peace with but you know, what can anyone say? If any of the party isn't too keen, what can you do right?

That quote that says to not regret what you did or had and to keep in mind that that was what you wanted? Makes total sense and it's sad/heart wrenching but hey, you got what you wanted even though it was for a while isn't it? So to the friends that I've loved and lost over the past year, cheers to you and I wish you happiness, the ability to be contented (everyone needs a little of this right) and my little bottle of sunshine if you do ever need it(cos I'm all about being sunshiney happy and having the sun shining from my mouth). And to the people I still love? I will still love you even if it's gonna make me stand in the middle of nowhere crying or if you got me fuming mad for days and days. I can be hella impossible but I'm shameless so I'm gonna say this, I'm pretty awesome in the long run HAHAHAHAHA :) (nope not gonna take that back and i don't care if you think otherwise K EAT THAT BITCHES *gets sasha to claw you*)

There's so much to be angry about you know? I can get pissed at people who dances in and out of my life whenever they want to, people who discounts my feelings, people who take me for granted, people who climbs over my head, people who thinks they have the upperhand at everything, people who tries to destroy others, people forcing immaturity/their mindset on others etc. But man, let it go already right? I wouldn't deny that certain feelings may surface from time to time but fuck it man, I don't like working with tensed up situations or people who still harbours bad feelings towards you or anything like that. So, I'm cool if you're cool aight? *does some hand gestures and bounces*

So well, I'm going into 2011 in peace. I have a lot to say to all that I love, I might say it or I might not, but just know, when I'm in peace, I want everything to be alright again :) *free hugs for y'all* (but erm, can you guys be more initiative. come tell me you love me and i'll do a song and dance for you if it makes you happy HAHAHA. entertaining is my specialisation ok this is getting from bad to worse i want my fudgey cupcake from gastromaniaaaaaaaa) So take it or leave it :)








goodbye 2010
x L