maybe you'll be lonesome too;

Jason Wade - You Belong To Me



x

Last night, while I was sub-conscious and probably dreaming.. I had a flashback from the day before.

I was strumming my guitar and singing to the song above, and a thought came into my head.. I'd want this song to be played at my funeral. I don't know how morbid it sounds, but doesn't everyone think about death every now and then? And probably of their own? And what do they want to be played at the funeral? What do people want others to remember them by?

I want to one day play this song for somebody.. a friend who is saying goodbye, a lover whom might part one day, a stranger who feels lost.. And I'd want it captured on camera, and be played at my funeral, to watch me smile and sing to them for the first and the last time.

What a beautiful song.. isn't it?

I guess like everyone else, I do sometimes fear thinking of my own death.. I'd want to prepare, to write my will, to give a little insight to others of how I'd want the ending of my physical presence on earth to be.. But perhaps there is a little fear that somehow or rather, if those words and thoughts had been penned down, that unknowingly, death might seem sooner? Or real perhaps? That our acknowledgment of the end of our lives could be any day, any sooner, any second right now? That somewhere somehow, a reporter might report of your death in the papers, and words like, "In her blog, she stated of her preferences of how she'd like her funeral processing to be done.. Could it be a premonition of what might have come?"

So I am not afraid to say.. I am afraid of this. That death might strike me sooner than I'd plan for it. That my vision of my life ends with me and my old wrinkly man and children around me will not happen..

So we don't speak of death. We only do so when it is necessary. When it strikes people around us. It gives being alive a whole new definition. Likewise to pain, when we feel, we feel alive. Other than that, we're just vessels floating, living by definitions? When we have been poked or provoked, we come out, we feel, we're overwhelmed.. that's when we cry or scream or yell or shake, that's when we think we're alive because we're feeling something new, something familiar, something that might hurt.

.

.

.

Grey's Anatomy Season 6 Episode 6 - To deal with paranoia, is to be in the now. To be here. To be who you are, and be where you are. To deal with your now and to stop worrying.

x L