DEAR ME,

I should probably be happy where I am right now right? I'm bumming around, finding things to do, occupying myself brainlessly.. Feeding the brain whenever it feels like it, taking a swim, soaking up the sun(okay not really, but it just fits in here), taking walks with my dog and making friends ranging from 7 to 80 years old, getting to know new people every now and then, being in constant contact with all my friends because i have all the time in the world to drop by in their lives every now and then to say hello how are you?, posting up photos of hilarious incidents or awesome times hanging out with them, or simply just feeling the angst of road rage(n00b here please)..

I have been stuck in a phase where I was wondering, "There must be more to life than this". But perhaps I have been stuck feeling sorry for myself in the grey areas.. what a pity. But now as I see time slowly fading and things around me changing, I finally set it straight and thought, " Hey I get this time to be a better person.. yeah?"

I guess as much as I like to socialize and be my nutsy loony self, I have been holding things in and building up walls. I wouldn't think about regrets - what about regrets? What can we do about regrets? Sit here, grieve over it for a day.. and then? As cliche as it sounds, it's what we have now right? And like this quote I read the other day, "The happiest people aren't perfect, they are just contented with what they have".. or er, phrased in a much cooler way. But hey y'all, look at yourself okay? Nobody's life is picture perfect, nobody's life will ever be picture perfect. There's always a "Oh man.. I wish I..." in everybody, and wait, I deviated.

Well, my point is. I just realized I have time and a chance to better myself. Who ever gets time to themselves anymore right? I get to be a better friend(one of my resolutions), learn to open my heart(also another resolution.. a very nagging one cos of the people around me, and a challenge that my mum has set for me since she suggested to my face that she thinks nobody wants me), learn to be much more independent and hey.. most importantly, to love right? :)

It's hard to see things with a clouded vision, and you know, it's just like your specs constantly fogging up when you step out of an air-conditioned placed. Sure, you can wipe it off again and again, but it takes time. Takes time to for it to settle and adjust, takes your patience to wait for it to settle. I can be very guarded, and very defensive, and stubborn in my own ways. But I guess, to learn to love is hard. Not just a boy, but just others. It's so easy to love yourself(err ok for me), and so easy to guard your heart. But to love another, is to allow someone else to.. hurt you? *gulps*

Who am I to preach about love.. but I guess in many certain aspects, to love everybody and to love and appreciate everything around us is pretty awesome enough. I wouldn't say I'm heartless or anything like that, in fact, I think I'm actually a person filled with way too much love for everything. Come on, where would I get my optimism from right. It's like the sun shining from my mouth everyday okay okay okay. Point taken. But you know, people.. People can be hard to love. I can love the world, love the nature, love the animals, love the things I do.. but People.. that's giving them a knife to stab me with really.

So I guess, one of the awesome resolutions for the next year would be to love selflessly? :)

I have so far concluded that I have been a much better friend this year(high five biatches), learnt so much more about independency and responsibility(shoots daggers at sasha), learnt to be loved, learnt to express myself better, learnt that I can't always be sunshine for everyone all the time, learnt to push my defense down a little, learnt to be a little more easygoing with people(?)... hmmm, okay this is neverending, but mostly, I've learnt a lot from just one person and one person is too awesome for me to handle. HAHAHAH EGO BOOSTING HERE AND RUINING OF THE MOOD. k tom seah you changed my life and you ought to have a place here. That's all :)

And okay, that is all for my thoughts tonight.. I'm shifting out of Pasir Ris today. Goodbye Pasir Ris. You were awesome and I loved taking walks and staring out to the sky while humming or laughing at my dog. And I love your chillaxness and cool breeze.. *hearts*